A young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in Prescott, AZ.   He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a full bowl of chili.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"

The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, you go ahead."

Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight.   He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili.

The sight was shocking and he immediately barfs up the chili into the bowl.

The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too."

♦   The Perfect Man!   ♦

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by.

He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing.   You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman.   He's a guy who did everything right all the time.   Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman.   He was a terrific athlete.   He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis.   He could golf with the pros.   He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano.   He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more.   He had a memory like a computer.   He could remember everybody's birthday.   He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with.   He could fix anything.   Not like me.   I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out.   But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."

Passenger "Wow, some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them.   But Frank, he never made a mistake."

Passenger: "Mmm, there's not many like him around."

Cabbie: "And he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - he was the perfect man!   He never made a mistake.   No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow.   How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank."

Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"

Cabbie: "I married his fu@kin' widow!"

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♦   Gesundheit!   ♦

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.   The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading.   A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took out a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.

Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.   A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.   As before, she took out a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently.   Are you OK?"

"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."   The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious.   "I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"

The woman nodded, "Pepper!"

♦   Your Hair Smells Nice!   ♦

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer and takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.

The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, "What is sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."